You’re Doing it All Wrong, or The Weekend Where Everything Went Right

Last weekend Stoccata, Australia’s oldest HEMA school, hosted a fantastic conference bringing together many of the country’s finest instructors and fencers. It was a privilege to have been a part of it, so here is our (somewhat tongue in cheek) tribute to the event.

Stuart McDermid shares some of his insights into Meyer rappier.

Sporting Equipment

‘What’s in the bag?’

A Federschwert, a rapier, a broadsword, two dussacks and a parrying dagger, all of which are restricted items in Melbourne and the knife is questionable in Sydney.

I smile at the lady at the baggage counter. ‘Sporting equipment,’ I tell her and she send me down to the oversize baggage station.

Where I run into another ‘sporting type’ off to the same event though as Andrew Kenner is teaching I- 33 not longsword his bag’s a little shorter than mine. Not much though because he’s got a rapier or two in that bag as well. Doesn’t everyone take a case of sharp pointy things to a conference?

Well, everyone I know does. And standing on the Baden Powell parade ground surrounded by bush, surprisingly luxurious cabins and a dozen people with nine-foot long quarterstaves I have a moment’s sympathy for those ‘ordinary’ folks whose idea of a conference is power-point, lecture halls and men in suits. Because if you’re a HEMA nut then your conference is sticks and swords and throwing each other on the ground and the closest thing you’ll get to a graph is Steve Hand and Andrew Kenner  arguing over a funny looking picture of two monks with swords and shields.

A friendly and welcoming gathering of enthusiasts

AWMACs II (Australasian Western Martial Arts Convention) gets underway Friday night with an in depth discussion (over Pizza) of such important HEMA issues as:

• If Callum and Colin have unearthed the secrets of all marital arts why can they not afford better pyjamas? (or Music?)
• Is Paul Wagner right about the protective powers of air or has he seen too many kung fu movies and now believes that taking off your shirt will give you extra hit points?
• Is Melbourne (where you can now get a deconstructed cappuccino and be formally introduced to your cheeses) still weirder than Sydney which really has a temperance bar?
• Will Darkwood ever produce a good sword again?
• Gauntlets. More gantlets. Why don’t Red Dragon produce mittens? Do the SPES heavy’s wear in well? (answer yes) Has anyone heard any more about the pro-gantlet? (answer no, hell will freeze over before we can buy one).
• And the old timer discussion of ‘back in my day (i.e. five years ago) we didn’t have this stuff and if we wanted protection we had to make it ourselves.

Really when you consider that the conversation also included references to Doctor Who, medieval marginalia and manuscripts, and an extra order of pizza the only surprising fact was that Paul didn’t once tell us that we were doing it all wrong.

But it’s early days yet.

Allonya Cullinan displaying focus with the rapier

Swords and Fire

Does it get any better? The weather is amazing. Last week Sydney was literally underwater, and the floods meant that the bonfires built for the girl guide camp couldn’t be lit. The perfect weather all this weekend has meant that we can. Oh, apart from the fact that the afore-mentioned floods have soaked the wood. But we have pizza boxes, matches and beer to drink while Fire-Dan (a much cooler moniker than MunDan) and friends create an actual air tunnel, find some dry leaves and soon we have fire to go with the swords, beer and great conversation.

HEMA discussion can get pretty heated. Just look at the latest flame war over the failure of a gambeson to protect a rock melon. 😉  Mind you, a conversation that starts with the statement ‘You’re doing it all wrong’ rarely ends with peaceful agreement (unless you happen to be talking to Bill Carew, The Reasonable Man).

But around the bonfire this weekend the only flames came from the fire as Stoccata, Adelaide Sword Academy, Collegium in Armis, Fechtschule Victoria, The School of Historical Fencing, Victorian Historical Combat Academy, and Fitzroy College of Arms, not to mention re-enactors, SCA and HEMA (don’t those elements explode when you put them together?) talked about everything from tourney rules to Silver’s true name, fire construction to dealing with epilepsy,  Meyer’s rapier to the best way to fight with a lightsaber (complete with people on the sidelines throwing boxes to simulate force powers). And if I found it pretty awesome that (according to Mr Physicist/Evil Scientist/Gareth) even if we can’t yet create a lightsaber the sums suggest it’s theoretically possible,  it’s the sight of different groups working together that was the advance HEMA in Australia actually needs.

Enthusiastic sparring after dark

A furious agreement.

Which is not to say there weren’t some fireworks when four different experts got together for a round table discussion on I-33. Now ‘round table discussion’ makes one think of an old Star Trek episode while people in silly costumes sit around a long oval table and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENS.

It wasn’t like that.

The likely culprits

Lots happened. And there were swords, and bucklers, and no table. And Paul and Michael Brown bonding on the strategy of ‘just hit the buggers’. While Steve Hand agreed that medieval monks don’t stand still to be stabbed, it was Andrew who provided the highlight of the evening when he announced Paul and Steve’s interpretation of falling under the sword was ‘shit’ and ‘that doesn’t work.’

‘So get up off the seat and show us,’ is Paul’s response.

As these are clearly fighting words, Andrew picks up his sword and shows them.

Bam! Andrew convincingly displays his interpretation.

‘You’re using too much distance,’ is his criticism, followed by a discussion of how to angle the sword and whether it’s long point brought back. And after about five minutes of practical—aka sword clashing—discussion Steve announces he can live with that interpretation.       And that it’s similar to something Tim Hendry often does. Though Tim (who has left his top-hat but not his sartorial arrogance at the door) is quick to point out that though Paul might be right, his own parry is of course, far more sophisticated.

Perhaps, but sophistication does not seem the order of the day. With phrases like: ‘over-bind and hit them’, ‘if they do nothing stab them in the face’, ‘cut under the shield though it may be a bit wussy’ (‘It wasn’t a wussy cut, Paul, I had bruises’ – Steve), and ‘try a spike on your shield, it’s a bit nasty but it does make your binds more effective’; what we are “discussing” is definitely pragmatic swordplay. And as Michael said (though Andrew might fairly argue the point) our I-33 experts were often in furious agreement.

Doing It All Wrong.

But in case you wondered in between wrestling (“Just lift your leg like a dog taking a piss”- Terry Williams), Quarterstaff 101 (“Into his kidney’s—that’s it!”), longsword (“Oh shit I’m in the nach”), Meyer Rapier (“Yeah, like he says, ‘in the manner of the slice’ yada yada yada”) and a list of workshops I didn’t manage to get to Paul did announce that there will be a new hi-res set of Angelo’s plates available soon. And that apparently they’ll show us WE’RE DOING IT ALL WRONG!

“That’s the way you do it!”

Told you we’d get there in the end.

AWMACs 2016

 

 

Geekfest (Festival of the Sword, Episode 1: A New Geekery)

Ingulf, Pete, and the Footwork class

Three days of workshops, tournaments, social free-play and a chance to talk, fight, connect, argue, agree and simply geek-out about swords. And not only do we have Ingulf Kohlweiss from INDES Salzburg in Austria and Peter Smallridge from KDF in England but even the formally reclusive Stoccata have come out to play. When you add three fighters from Queensland and seven from Adelaide, a re-enactor from Canberra and representatives from all four—or is it five?—of the Melbourne HEMA groups it’s no wonder that James Buchanan’s arms are waving like a small excited dragon about to take off as he welcomes us all to the hall.

To both halls’ in fact, the Hall of Learning where workshops are already being set up and the Hall of War, with one arena marked out for tourneys and another clear space for free-play. It’s a great idea but it won’t end up being used as those who can drag themselves away from the workshops will find themselves too caught up in the drama of the tourney fights.

Dan Pope’s Handwork class

But first there are over twenty HEMA fighters running around the hall. No they’re not frantically looking for a misplaced right gauntlet or the mask cover they swear they packed (at least most of them aren’t) they’re warming up for Peter’s first workshop.

Running, lunging, an awesome game of dagger-tag that Ingulf gave us and that Mark is planning to teach his eight year-olds, the Europeans are showing us that the fitness expectations of international HEMA are high. And though some of us Australians—like GLECA and Denby (love the vid Chris)—have been prioritizing work-outs for the rest us it’s an exhausting reminder. ‘I’ve been trying to get them working on fitness for ages,’ Gavin says, and though I think swordplay has some other vital components—like, say the swords!—it’s a good point that you can’t do the technique if your body’s not up to it.

And there are techniques aplenty being taught. With twenty-four workshops ranging from coaching to pugilism, from George Silver’s ‘True Fight’ to Sherlock Holmes’s Bartitsu  if you’re not bouncing with enthusiasm and cursing the fact you can’t do all the workshops plus all the tourney’s then please hand in your HEMA geek card on the way out. Because though the organisers might have rejected the name Swordfest for the event (like it was a total swordfest man) there’s no doubt that a total geekfest is happening in the learning hall.

Stu McDermid’s pugilism class

That’s a geekfest HEMA style with swords and masks and fighters lined up on mats learning how to roll and cartwheel and take a guy down—without using their arms! Not to mention box and wrestle and hit people with sword techniques ranging I33 to 19^th century short sword. And side-sword, and rapier and sabre and longsword and more longsword and daggers and more sabre and broadsword and yes, even more longsword. And if that’s not enough we have Ingulf’s mixed weapons class with staffs, poleaxes, great swords, daggers and a sickle in case you want to mix it up even more.

If you love Swords you’d love this.

With so many classes it’s impossible to mention them all but I’d like to throw a few impressions out there.

Pete Smallridge’s Wrestling Foundations – fear the HEMA turtle!

Three-person leap-frog and a turtle hip thrust that looks really weird but is surprisingly effective. (Peter Smallridge – Foundations for Grappling) The last time I saw people have that much fun on a mat with their clothes on we were 10 years old.

Enormous enthusiasm for slapping people with the flat (pity we saw a bit too much of that in the tourneys, but that’s another story). And a demonstration that though all a beginner might need to know is that ‘the pointy end goes in the other guy’ it’s also true that short, long or flat; strong or weak; point or pommel; there isn’t a part of the sword you can’t hit with effectively. (Mark Holgate – The long the short and the flat of it)

A simple and TRAINABLE way to decide what to do when the swords cross using the Versetzen, using four of the five master strikes. Sorry Zornhau you don’t get a look in here but you’re getting plenty of stage time next door as a high Vom Tag and Zornhau opening is proving very popular in the longsword. (James Buchanan -The Vier Versetzen in Krieg)

Ingulf’s footwork plenary and his dagger game. ‘If you tell people to do twenty lunges they complain but if you make it a game they’ll do it all day’. Fighters lunging and laughing and noting down the idea for their next class.

Fighters (from 14 to 60), running, lunging, rolling, hitting, complaining that they are exhausted and then coming back for more. Kimito driving all Monday night because he’s got work on Tuesday and he isn’t going to miss Sean Reichmann’s Destreza class. International presenters (anything with Sydney in it is international right? 😉 ) and the chance to learn from Peter (England), Ingulf (Austria) and ten different Australian schools. It’s HEMA learning at its best.

So thanks to James and Courtney and the team at FSV. You promised a Festival of the Sword and for three days in the hall of learning that’s just what you delivered. A HEMA geekfest with all the feels.

And the swords and the daggers and the wrestling and the focus on the fight and the arguments about the techniques and the swords and…

Like I said a total HEMA geekfest.

Next week a look at the tournament side of Festival of the Sword.

Reality, fantasy, and the story of HEMA

 

When we dream, we put together bits and pieces from our lives, our hopes and our fears and we jumble them together in a kaleidoscope of images that often bear no relation to reality. And when we wake that kaleidoscope comes into our conscious mind and affects the way we feel and even the way we act and the line between reality and a dream is always fluid and never fixed.

And that is the case with fiction. A writer takes bits and pieces from her life, from other’s lives, a student who’s got a good head and good measure and a problem with standing firm becomes a nerd growing into a knight. An old episode with a neighbour and a baseball bat becomes a flash-point. And techniques like the noble sheep grip and vom tag become solutions and comic by-play.

But then the dream comes into the waking world and the story changes. And Oliver starts effecting Joseph not just the other way around and that’s a tale I have to share. So this is the first of what I hope will be a new series of stories.

Stories about not just Oliver, but Joseph, the fencer who inspired him. Stories of fact as well as fiction. Stories of courage and chivalry, gentleness and prowess, scholarly debate and childish boasting, the story of the hundreds of nerds out there who have picked up a sword and become a knight.

The story of HEMA.

But first let me share with you the first time I noticed Oliver influencing Joseph.

Krumphau and Why It Really Isn’t the Right Blow to Use With A Baseball Bat

A knight will always defend the weak regardless of the cost to himself.

This is the essence of chivalry.

                                                  -Master Raske

But maybe he shouldn’t use a krumphau.

You see, I was trying to do the right thing.  And what’s the point of learning the coolest martial art in the world—aka German Longsword—if you don’t also learn how to behave with chivalry. So when Jack slams Caleb against a tree and starts swinging a baseball bat towards his terrified face I feel I have no choice but to interfere.

‘Hey, Jack.’ I say – hoping I don’t sound as scared as I feel.

‘What?’ Jack turns round and Caleb scrambles to his feet.

‘You shouldn’t do that.’ I add.

Yeah?’  The bat’s swinging slowly in front of my gut.  ‘Says who?’

A fight between us Squires and Master Raske. Much more chivalrous than this one.

‘Says me.’

‘Oh yeah?’ The rhythm of the bat increases and I wait for my fear to catch up. ‘An you’re going to stop me?’

‘Well yes.’ Instead of rising my fear seems to have vanished. And I realise that I’ve spent hours dodging swords—for my upcoming squires test—and that Master Raske says I have excellent measure (which is knowing your range). And that the weapon in Jack’s hands is six inches shorter than the one’s I’m used to and only made of wood not steel. ‘I am.’

‘You?’ He gives me a contemptuous once over. ‘You couldn’t stop a baby,’ he says, laughing.  ‘I could take you with one hand tied behind my back.’

I’ve got no problems with a handicap.

‘Now get out of my way.’

‘No.’

‘I said, get out of my f-ing way.’ Caleb has moved behind me instead of running off, which is a pity because if he had scarpered Jack might have calmed down rather than starting to swing his bat again. ‘And let me get that bastards who messed with my sister.’

‘Look he didn’t mess with Dianne and—‘

Which is as far as I get before he swings the bat towards my head and the time for conversation—even stupid conversation like ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘oh yeah’—is now over.

Then he swings the bat once, twice, three times and Caleb gasps and then runs (too late unfortunately) and I let my last year of training take over.

Mittlehau (middle strike), I think, range out by at least three inches so no need to triangle back before moving forward. He’ll be finishing his strike so I can catch him in the after (which does work as well as my fencing master said it would). Now I’ve got my arms around his elbows and my hands on the bat and holy shit, even off balance he’s stronger than me. But then I remember the noble sheep grip and is he wearing a belt? Yes he is and I just need to grab the belt and twist my hip and—

Jack’s on the ground and I’ve got his baseball bat in my right hand.

What I felt like at this point. But the girl is a lot prettier than Caleb. And probably much smarter.

‘Don’t get up.’ I do an unterhau (understrike) up past his head; deliberately missing his shocked face by at least six inches (because anything less would be dangerous and anything more wouldn’t be threatening).

‘What the f—‘

Another unterhau has Jack shifting backwards.

Vom Tag. Definately the best option for a weapon without a point.

‘—are you doing with that thing?’

‘Kunst des Fechtens,’ I say, moving the bat back into vom tag (as it seems the best guard for a weapon lacking a point). ‘Which is the art of the long sword.’

‘You’re crazy.’

 ‘Maybe.’  Considering I’m holding you of with nothing but a lump of wood we could make that a probably.

‘F—ing crazy,’ he repeats and I can hear real fear in his voice. Like he’s scared I have gone nuts and am about to do a number on his face. And though I’m not planning to do anything more than make him back off—because no matter what everyone seems to think I’m not a very violent person—there’s a moment when it feels good to be the one with the power.

‘Get out,’ I say.

‘Yeah man, I’m going,’ he puts a hand out towards me. ‘Just give me my bat back and …Holy f—’

The last expletive is when I bring the wood across his arm. I know Master Raske says we should never use our training aggressively and I do agree. But I also don’t think I should give Jack his weapon back.

‘I’m keeping the bat.’

‘You’ve broken my bloody arm, you crazy nutter.’

‘No I haven’t.’ I’d thrown a krumphau (crooked strike) using the short edge rather than a mittelhau because it’s a more controlled strike and I didn’t want to damage him. There’s no way he could have worse than a bruise. So why is he looking so shocked?  ‘‘You should go now.’

This guy has just had his sword beaten down with a Krumphau, and is being hit in the ear. This is clearly worse than what I did to Jack, so I don’t see what Jack’s problem was.

‘I’m going, I’m going.’ He scrambles around the tree. ‘Just keep that bloody thing away from me.’

No problems. I don’t like its balance anyway. But Jack’s clutching his arm and running away as if I’m someone to be scared of and even when he bumps into Caleb (who seems to have a real gift of being in the wrong place at the wrong time and I think he should avoid travelling overseas because he’d be bound to get caught up in a terrorist attack) he just shoves him aside and keeps going.

I’m in trouble now.

And though Master Raske’s says we should never behave like vigilantes I don’t see what else I could have done.

But maybe I shouldn’t have used the Krumphau.

What do you think? I don’t know anymore.

Lesson 6: Krumphau, The Crooked Cut

That’s a picture of the Krumphau (Crooked Cut) from Talhoffer. If you get it right, it’s pretty sweet – you beat the opponent’s blade down to the ground or hit them in the hands.

Master Raske has some simple rules for striking a Krumphau. Begin striking an oberhau, and then part way through you push your pommel through underneath your arm, out to your right hand side. This causes your blade to flick out to your left, beating down your opponent’s blow.

If we look back at the picture above, the guy on the left is doing a Krumphau. You can see how his pommel sticks out towards us – just like we described above. This time he’s striking his opponent’s blade, though he could have hit him in the hands instead.

The end position of the Krumphau.

You also want to make a good jump to the side away from your opponent as you perform the strike. This helps you strike at the right angle, and you’re not safe behind your sword unless you do.

If you’re doing the Krumphau to parry someone else striking at you, you should be aiming to strike the flat of their sword with your edge. (NOT the flat-of-their-strong mind you, just the middle of their blade). I like to put my thumb on the blade as I perform it, to align my edge against their flat better.

That’s the version that I did. It isn’t exactly like you read in the treatises, but then I was improvising with a baseball bat, not a sword. I used the Krumphau action to strike Jack’s arm with the short (or back) edge. Well, where short edge would be if the bat had had an edge. It is the same as what the SCA would call a “wrap” shot.

There’s lots of controversy in HEMA about what a Krumphau is, and how you do it. We were going do a proper video, but there is a HEMA group from Europe that has already done a fantastic one. Check out the video from Bratislavský šermiarsky spolok below. Some of the first strikes they do are Krumphau.

See it works! Really well!  Master Raske says you can all get back to training it now! :p

Swords, sword, swords …

‘What I want to know is how a fella who couldn’t even keep his blinking pants on found the guts to stand up to our boy Jack.’

So, this is where I finally get round to telling you how I went from a loser who couldn’t even keep his blinking pants on (see My Life as a Loser) to a cool-headed HEMA hero who used his mad wrestling skills (The Noble Sheep Grip) to disarm a bully with a baseball bat. And it started here. With my first HEMA lesson.

Which I was not at all confident about.

Oberhau, Unterhau, and My Previous Life as a Loser

No one is going to get my pants off me again. I mean trousers, not underpants, but they’re not getting them either. So back off.

Oberhau, Unterhau, Mittlehau, Zornhau, Krumphau …

I’m going  through the sword cuts in my head because it’s better than thinking of my future—locked up by the police or at least permanently grounded by Mum—and it’s way better than thinking of my past. Because even if being a knight is about to get me into a whole lot of trouble it’s still better than being a loser.

Especially a loser with no pants.

Because a year ago I wasn’t Oliver the knight who knew all about German Longsword  and oberhau and how to swing a sword (more on that at the end of the  post) I was Oliver the dork who’d come out of the change rooms to find his trouser legs dangling from the swimming pool roof.

Vom Tag, or Why You Should Never Try to Explain German Longsword to the Police

So it’s the last week before Christmas and I’m supposed to be practising for the end of year fencing tourney but instead I’m sitting in the Police Station.

How The Noble Sheep Grip Saved Me From Almost Certain Doom

Yes, sir I am the same Oliver Fitzgerald who had to have his trousers retrieved from the roof of the swimming pool.
Twice.

When someone swings a baseball bat at your head most people scream, or panic, or both.  They don’t think:  ‘mittelhau’, ‘doesn’t know his range’ and ‘I wonder if the noble sheep grip would work’.

Which, fortunately, it did.  So by the time the authorities arrived I was in sole possession of the field, the baseball bat and the task of explaining that: ‘No, sir it wasn’t mine and yes, sir I am the same Oliver Fitzgerald who had to have his trousers retrieved from the roof of the swimming pool.

Twice.

Jack Donaldson was a lot bigger than this dragon. And a lot less cute.

But that was last year, sir, and no, sir, I am not winding you up or taking the piss or pulling your leg (even if, this close to the Christmas season, it does play Jingle Bells) and yes, sir, I can accompany you down to the station to give a statement about how I managed to take a baseball bat off Jack Donaldson who is known as an approach-with-caution-troublemaker whereas I am more known as an approach-with-laughter-geek. But perhaps we could stop by my place on the way so I could pick up my second ventilator and leave a note for my mother and yes, sir I am sixteen years old but she worries and…’

            I’ll bet you the first Saint George never had these problems.